


Fool Me Once, and I Will Fucking Come for You

by Invalid_Child



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anger, April Fools' Day, Attempted Murder, Bloodlust, Crack, Dean Winchester Loves The Impala, Dean Winchester is angry, Dean winchester is chaotic, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Sam Winchester is So Done, im sorry, my friend out me up to it, prank gone wrong, sam winchester is a mom, thank Julia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:01:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23439607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Invalid_Child/pseuds/Invalid_Child
Summary: It’s April Fool’s Day, and all hell breaks loose when the impala becomes the subject of a... unique prank.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Fool Me Once, and I Will Fucking Come for You

**Author's Note:**

> My friend and I were talking about funny fanfictions. i said if I wrote one it would be chaotic. She told me to do it, gave me the characters and the prompt. So thanks Julia. I think it sucks but she loved it and wanted me to post it.

It was the middle of the night. March 31st. That should have been the second clue something would happen the next day. The first being that 2020 had been a whole clusterfuck of chaos and misfortune anyway. Each month had been progressively worse. Dean was calling it. The rapture would come by December. And this time, there would be nothing he nor his brother could do to save the world. No dumb luck or hunting prowess would save them then. But December was still 8 months away, way too early to even think of the commercial holiday.   
Anyway, what was Dean even doing up at 11:30 p.m. on March 31t? Well, Dean had no fucking clue what he was doing. Sam had been unable to find any cases that piqued interest, so the brothers decided they would just take a short break and catch up on self-care. Lmao, imagine taking care of yourself. Because they were just vibing at the bunker, Dean decided he had an excuse to be chaotic. If there were no hunts, who needed sleep. Dean had no schedule and no pressing engagements until Sammy found a case, so Dean became borderline nocturnal.   
Going into the impromptu break from hunting, the latest ghoul of the week had messed up Baby real bad. The car that Dean loved more than life itself was looking really worse for wear. So Dean had been working on the car non-stop in his neverending quest to fix the car. At this point, Dean had finally finished fixing the car to his meticulous level of quality. It had been a while since Dean had gotten more than an hour nap at one time. He was running mostly on coffee and Redbull.   
Dean finally put down the rag he had been using to clean his Baby and stood to go back inside. As he trudged through the kitchen, he saw the newspaper laying forgotten on the counter. Being a responsible human being, Dean decided to fuck sleep and see if there was anything good in the newspaper. But what caught his attention, was the date. March 31st.   
His blood ran cold. How old was the newspaper? Was it already April? No, he couldn’t have missed the second best day ever. Second only to March 14th, pi day. He pulled out his phone and checked the date. March 31st, 2020. 11:27 p.m. Now it was 11:28. Alright, Dean had time to fuck with his brother and pull the most epic prank ever.   
Dean was motivated and decided he needed some real energy to keep himself awake to fulfill his plans. But in his caffeine and sleep deprivation-induced haze, he did not notice his brother sitting in the other room, having looked over when Dean walked in. Sam had called out to Dean when he had come in from Baby, but Dean had been too tired to notice.   
Sam got up to walk into the kitchen and see why his brother failed to respond to his question, as Dean walked to the fridge and started foraging. Sam stood in the doorway and stared in abject horror as Dean pulled out a beer, two Redbulls, and three five hour energies. But Dean didn’t drink any of it. Instead, he dumped it all on the counter and turned to make himself a coffee in a huge cup. When the coffee was made, he dumped it in a pitcher he seemed to pull out of his ass and proceeded to pour the Redbull and five-hour energy into it. Dean pulled out a large spoon and swirled it a couple of times. He took from the pitcher, shrugged and pulled out another beer. Dean then poured both beers into the pitcher. Then he chugged the unholy concoction.   
Sam just sighed deeply and cleared his throat. “Hey Dean, what the fuck?”  
Dean recoiled in surprise when he realized he was not in fact alone. “Oh, hey Sammy. How is it going? Lovely day out right now, ain’t it?’  
“Are we- are we just not going to talk about the stunt you just pulled?” The moose asked lifting an eyebrow.  
“Nope. Why should we? I’m just over here thriving, no need to kill my vibe man.” Dean replied with a smirk.  
“Alright, Jerk” Sam sighed as he walked away from the kitchen, completely done with his brothers bullshit. “I am going to bed like a normal fucking person. Don’t wake me up or I take the car.”  
“Take the car and I will commit murder. Blood will be shed with no remorse.” Dean said with a dead face.  
Sam gave no response as Dean cleaned up the remnants of his caffeine drink. He then started to walk around the bunker searching for supplies to pull the best prank on his brother. But because of the sleep deprivation and sheer amount of coffee, Dean got distracted when he saw that Star Wars was on tv. Instead, he passed out on the couch at three in the morning after a solid week of no sleep.

Sam groaned as he rolled out of bed. He immediately tensed up as he realized what day it was. April fools was always a full-on war between the two brothers. Sam was prepared to wake to some complex prank made by Dean. So he walked out of his room cautiously to go and seek the other Winchester. He crept to the main room to see Dean sprawled on the couch, Star Wars playing on the tv. He smirked. The idiot had fallen asleep.  
Sam walked over to his brother, contemplating what prank he should play on the man. He decided to go with a classic and make the elder smack himself in the face with whipped cream. Getting whipped cream, Sam applied it generously to Dean’s hand and tickled his face with a random feather he found somewhere. Eh, it probably didn’t have corona.   
As planned, Dean smacked himself in the face and spluttered as whipped cream got everywhere. Dean was disoriented and Sam fell over laughing. In response, Dean tackled Sam and wiped the whipped cream all over his brother.   
“You jerk!’ Dean called out, laughing a bit at the prank.  
“Bitch” Sam replied.   
Dean stood back up and went to the kitchen to make food for himself.  
Sam got up and decided to go out and grab the days newspaper, and see if there were any cases. As he stepped out of the bunker, he saw that the impala was not outside. It had vanished.  
“Oh shit. Shit shit shit shit shit fuck shit bitch shit shit shit awe fuck i can’t believe you’ve done this.” Sam chanted as he slowly turned around and raced to the kitchen. He knew Dean would flip.  
“Hey you grab the newspaper?” Dean asked while he flipped his burger.  
“Wh- what? Dean, why the fuck are you making burgers its...:” Sam had to pull out his phone and check the time. “7 in the morning. What the fuck?”  
“Hey, a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do” Dean said with a shrug as he plated his burger and sat to eat it. Sam sighed in response.  
“So, you never answered. You get the newspaper?” Dean asked a smirk growing on his face.  
“Fine. I did”  
“Baby look good? I finished fixing her up last night” Dean said with an ever-growing smirk.  
Sam stiffened at the mention of the car. Dean picked up on it. “What happened?” He demanded.  
“What? Nothing happened. All is good in flavor town. Im fine. Your car is totally still here and outside. She looks great Dean, love what you did with the car.” Sam stammered to defend himself. He wasn’t emotionally prepared to chase Dean as he went on a murderous rampage.   
Dean stormed out the door, burger in hand. His brother was too suspicious for his precious baby to be fine. When he got to the door he dropped the burger in shock. Baby was gone.   
Sam sprinted up behind him. “Ok, I know what you are thinking. Don’t kill anyone, it’s fine.” Dean paid no heed.  
The elder Winchester stormed back into the bunker a stormy expression on his face. Sam paled. This was bad. Within minutes Dean returns fully laden with weapons. Guns in holsters on his belt, knives strapped to arms and legs. Amo over the shoulder and a large gun in his arms.   
Sam stared at Dean, eyeing the nasty looking blade with caution. “Where did you even get half this shit? And how did you fully change within like three minutes.”   
Dean simply looked him dead in the eye and announced with a snarl. “There will be blood tonight”  
Sam sighed. Dean was angry enough that he was quoting the Princess Bride. Sam chased after Dean for several minutes as he marched with a permanent glare on his face. They reached a clearing in the woods.  
“Come fight me, you assoholic bitch! Give me my car back and fight me like a man. Or are you too much of a bitch baby?” Dean bellowed at the sky.   
With a breeze suddenly Gabriel was standing in front of the brothers. He had a smirk on his face.  
Dean growled and marched up to the archangel. “My name is Dean Winchester. You stole my car, prepare to die” He said with a scowl.  
“Oh look, Princess Bride. Classic.” Gabe said with a smirk.  
Dean did not hesitate. He walked up the angel and stabbed him in the gut. Gabe looked surprised. Dean then punched him in the face.  
Gabe was taken aback. He was an archangel, so he was not really hurt. Mostly just shocked a mere human dared attack a being of his power. Well, granted, Dean had the self-preservation of a squirrel by a freeway. “Look, dude. I get it, I am the trickster. But I am not the one who moved your car.” Gabe said slowly, seeing how far he could push Dean before he was forced to give back the car.  
Dean started laughing. It was not a happy laugh. It was more insane laced with unadulterated rage. “Alright. You really think that will stop me? That was my Baby. I will actually fight God if I have to. I will get that car back if I have to take down everyone with me I will. I will fight you. I will fight God. I would fight all of hell. And make no mistake, I will win.”  
Gabe was starting to get nervous. Dean had once promised to commit murder if someone touched his car. And now Gabe finally realized he had not been joking.   
“Alright, dude, chill. It’s April fools. I put your car back.” Gabe said in an attempt to diffuse the situation, still ignoring the knife sticking out of his chest and the growing patch of blood. He was an archangel, it wasn’t like it would actually hurt him.  
Sam leveled bitch face number 37 on Gabe. “Boy, you really know how to pick your pranks. You summoned the wrath of Dean. That’s worse than a power-hungry maniac when they get access to the murder mod on sims” Gabe stared at Sam for a second in slight surprise.   
“What? You don’t know everything about me” Sam defended.  
He turned to talk to Dean to see he had disappeared while he was glaring at Gabe. “Oh fuck, did he go to try and fight God?”  
Gabe chuckled. “Naw, he went back to the bunker to ensure Baby was returned. Don’t worry, it was.”   
Sam stared at Gabe for a solid ten seconds. He lifted an eyebrow as if to say ‘is that really it?’  
Gabe fell over laughing. “All right. The car is bright pink now.”  
Sam sighed deeply as he turned towards the bunker. “I am not holding him back, you brought this on yourself. Might want to start running.” Sam said without turning around and continued to the bunker. He was going to just go back to bed. He was not equipped to deal with this shit.  
“Oh come on Moose, that’s hilarious” Gabe called after he calming his laughter. There was no response.  
“Sammy?”  
Nothing  
Suddenly a sharp yell pierced the quiet morning.  
“Huh, looks like Dean found his gift”  
“You better start running you son of a bitch. Nothing can save you now”  
Gabe paled a little. “Welp, gotta blast”   
And with a pop, the angel was gone. The car was back to normal, but Dean was too busy running through the woods letting out his blood lust. He would return late that night exhausted and pissed his car looked like a fucking barbie toy, only to find it good as new, with a couple of rock cassettes in the seat next to a six-pack of beer. A seeming peace offering. Dean decided the angel was not too much of a dick if he was willing to make peace that night. Gabe got to live another day.  
All bets were off, however, when Sam woke up the next day with a moose antlers headband seemingly stuck to his head, and a note saying ‘Don’t think I forgot to prank you as well. -Gabriel, Archangel of the Lord’

I’m sorry. This is fucking trash oh my god. I finished. I spent way too much time on this. I hope you are happy.


End file.
